Coffee With Hitler

Coffee With Hitler

 “So you meant all that?” (I was asking about Mein Kampf)

“Which part?”

“Any of it.”

Hitler sipped his whiskey sour and looked at me like I was an idiot. I got the feeling he looked at everyone that way. But this was a special occasion. The first interview with Hitler ever. I couldn’t screw this up.

“So, the whole Jewish thing. You have no remorse? No sorrow for what you did?”

“Look, I did some things that weren’t, maybe, acceptable, but I never did anything I couldn’t blame on someone else. All those Jewish deaths, I blame on Heinreich Himmler, It was all his idea, anyway.”

“But you went along with it?”

“Dude, it was such a hard time, you don’t understand.”  Hitler sipped his whiskey and looked at me. “I’m not a bad guy… I’m just misunderstood…”

“Yeah, you’re a peach, Adolph, I get it. What about Kristallnacht ? That wasn’t your idea?”

Hitler started crying, like he’d been caught in a lie.

“Yeah, it was mine. But there was someone else- “

“Oh stop…”

“Wait, you can’t judge me on misguided attempts to rule the world…”

“That’s true, we can only judge you on the one that failed…”